Still Standing
by Cass-dawg
Summary: Cuddy has left PPTH for the morning, putting Wilson in charge. Will he be able to stop House wreaking havoc or will he help? Lines will be crossed and nurses annoyed. Hilson friendship & Huddy. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! :D

I'm back with another story!!! You've read the review, now it's time for the real thing.

To avoid the annoying Authors notes later, I'll point out now that I have not, do not and never will own House MD :'(

Nor do I own any of the songs featured in this story. I do own the ideas of the pranks, but I'm pretty sure there are many people who have thought and have accomplished these before I wrote this…

So anyway, on with the story! I hope you enjoy it! :D

Cass-dawg

* * *

**STILL STANDING**

Sitting at her desk with the handset of her phone to her ear, Cuddy listened to the apologetic female voice at the other end as she gazed around her office. Rolling her eyes in exasperation at the woman's insistent apologies, she decided she'd better intervene before the woman spontaneously started bleeding out of every orifice from guilt.

"Thank you, its fine. Okay, I'll see you there at 9.00 tomorrow. NO _really_… it's fine! I can manage it! See you tomorrow".

Cuddy slammed the handset down before the woman could say anything else. She sat watching the phone for several moments, relishing the silence that took over the office.

_Great… last minute conference. My favourite kind…_ she thought sarcastically. Reaching for her planner, Cuddy opened to tomorrow's page. Scanning over the neat entries, she was pleased to see that she had no major appointments, just a meeting that could be rescheduled.

Cuddy stood up and went to her door, glancing out at the reception desk and clinic, searching for signs of House terrorizing innocents.

Once convinced that the coast was clear, she opened the door and notified her secretary of the new arrangements for tomorrow. She then made her way to the elevators, intending to see Wilson. If anyone, it was Wilson she could rely on keeping her baby from falling to the mercy of House's insanity.

* * *

Wilson was finishing off the last sentence of a patient report when he heard the knock on his door. He felt relieved slightly, knowing that if it was House, he would've been inside already. He still had one more patient report to do.

"Come in" Wilson called out, watching the door and putting his pen down.

Cuddy entered Wilson's office. Glancing around, her eyes were drawn immediately to his book shelf where he kept little relics from his patients. She smiled at the sweetness of it.

"Hello Cuddy" Wilson greeted her, checking for signs of trauma from House out of habit. Seeing none he relaxed slightly.

"Hi Wilson, I'm sorry to bother you" she said, glancing at the paperwork on his desk. "I can come back later, if you like?"

"No, its fine" Wilson insisted. "I was just about to take a break anyway."

"I have a favour to ask"

"Okay…" Wilson said hesitantly, knowing better than to commit to anything straight away – one of the life lessons learned from dealing with House.

"I have a conference tomorrow. Last minute planning" She added with a grimace. "So I'm going to be gone tomorrow morning, but I should be back by "

"Let me guess, you want me to keep an eye on House, so he doesn't burn the Hospital down?" Wilson asked, bemused.

Cuddy nodded "Would that be ok?"

"I'm flattered that you would consider me the best person to babysit House…"

"Oh come on… it's not really that hard to control House…" she said, her confidence failing with each syllable. The sentence pretty much gave up on itself in the end and threw itself off a metaphorical cliff.

"Wow… that was convincing…." Wilson said sarcastically.

"Please Wilson? Just let me come back to find the hospital still standing!" Cuddy said pleadingly.

Holding up his hands in surrender Wilson agreed "Okay, okay! It shouldn't be that hard… I'll just lock him in a storage cupboard somewhere until 1.00. Oh no wait, that won't work, he can pick locks… you wouldn't happen to have any chloroform left, would you?"

Cuddy laughed, she knew Wilson would help. "Thanks Wilson!"

"No problem" Wilson said with an exaggerated, self-suffering sigh. Looking at his watch, he found it was almost lunchtime.

"I'll let you get back to work now" Cuddy said, heading for the door.

"Hey, umm… Since I'm almost done here do you want to go get lunch?" Wilson asked, looking at his watch again.

"Thanks, but I've got to go have lunch with a donor, after I go tell House where I'll be so he doesn't have an excuse for spreading false rumours about me coming back late because of jello shots and male strippers or something…" Cuddy said, trying to hide her amusement as she headed for the door again.

Wilson laughed, not failing to notice the look that crossed Cuddy's face. _When will they admit they like each other?_ Wilson thought, slightly frustrated.

"Good luck with _that_" Wilson said watching her open the door. Cuddy stopped and turned slowly back to Wilson with a conniving grin.

"When it comes to House, you need brains not luck."

Wilson grinned and shook his head in amusement. If anyone could handle House, it was Cuddy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

With no cases, House's office was uncharacteristically quiet, with each of the team doing their own thing.

Taub was in the clinic, thirteen was checking emails and Foreman was sitting at the glass table in the middle of the differential room, with his back to the glass wall separating the room from House's office. House and Kutner were sitting against that glass wall, flicking rubber bands at Foreman, trying to hit the back of his head.

Taking careful aim, House and Kutner whispered together '_3… 2… 1… FIRE!!!_'

Their rubber bands flew past Foreman's head on either side. Rolling his eyes, Foreman turned around to face House and Kutner, who immediately put on innocent faces and unsuccessfully hid their rubber bands.

"Wow… you guys were so close that time. I don't think I'll be able to walk anywhere with out worrying about being sniper-attacked by rubber bands…' He said, his words drowning in sarcasm.

Thirteen looked up, smirking at Foreman's comment. "Don't give up your day job guys" She said mock-condescendingly to them.

House stuck his tongue out at her and Kutner flicked a rubber band at her, missing dramatically. Thirteen scoffed and bent to retrieve it.

"This is how you do it" she said, stretching the rubber band back over her finger. Taking a quick aim, she let go and watched with a satisfied smile as the elastic sailed across the room, straight into the side of Kutner's head.

Kutner sat stunned, looking at Thirteen in awe. "How did you do that!?" he asked, his eyes wide with glee as he scrambled over to her, desperate for another demonstration.

House stood up, bored with the game. He stretched and yawned widely. Looking out of his window, his attention was caught by Cuddy who was stepping out of the elevator with a look of determination as she headed for House's office.

Fighting off laughter as an idea formed in his mind, he waited until Cuddy was within earshot before pulling an exaggerated look of panic and yelled to his team "OH _SHIT!!!_ CUDDY'S COMING! LOOK BUSY!!!"

In the same moment, House dropped his cane and brought both of his arms up to shoulder height at his sides and rotated them in small circles as Cuddy stepped inside the room.

Smirking at his outburst and antics, Cuddy prepared herself for yet another mental workout session.

Feigning a look of surprise, House greeted her "Why hello Cuddy, I didn't see you there!"

Cuddy raised her eyebrows dubiously. House grinned and pushed on, lowering his arms to his side.

"I was just warning up. You see, one of my hookers usually comes at this time" arranging his expression to a puzzled one, he continued "I usually don't expect _you_ until later in the afternoon…" He said, waggling his eyebrows.

House's team had stopped what they were doing to watch the battle of wits in front of them. They all looked at Cuddy to see how she would respond.

Completely unfazed, Cuddy put on a fake look of concern. "You know House, I just don't know how you keep up… been sneaking some little blue pills, have we?" She asked condescendingly.

House scoffed and drew himself up to his very impressive full height. "No help needed!! It's all me baby! I'm like the energizer bunny!! I just keep shaggin' and shaggin'! House proclaimed, mimicking Austin Powers.

It was Cuddy's turn to scoff. Shaking her head she just managed to avoid rolling her eyes. She looked at Houses team who were still watching them. Catching her eye, they all quickly looked back down at what they were doing. House smirked, noticing their interest.

Looking back at House, she said "I need to speak to you." Not missing the opportunity, House stated "You're speaking to me now."

Now rolling her eyes, she said "In your office."

"Oh I'm sorry, how silly of me, of course! Come on team! Let's see what Cuddles here wants". Sighing impatiently, Cuddy was forced to play House's game.

"Alone" she said, cringing.

House looked at her with his biggest 'shit-eating' grin on his face. "Why Cuddy you minx… I knew you couldn't wait till this afternoon…"

"Keep going like that and the only action you'll get is swabbing crotches in the clinic for the rest of the day!" Cuddy warned.

House puffed his cheeks out, throwing the air back and forth between them. He nodded and straightened up. "See ya kids, I gotta go with Mummy now!" Looking at Cuddy, he yelled "Cuddles Unit! Attention!" he yelled, clicking his heels together and standing at attention. "Unit move out!" he cried like an army commander. Bearing his cane in his right hand, he marched into his office.

Watching him in wide-eyed, slack-jawed, 'wtf' confusion, Cuddy ran a hand down her face in exasperation and then followed him. She looked at him cautiously as he suddenly dropped the army act and held the door open for her. Moving past him, she missed the evil grin that formed on his face for his team as he slowly and pointedly closed the door of his office. He reached for the cord for the blinds, closing them. Though the blinds, he looked out at his team. They were looking at each other with their eyebrows raised in confusion and conspiring suspicion.

"They have their own opinions about what's going on, don't they?" Cuddy asked irritated.

Nodding House asked "Do you want me to fix that?"

"You can fix that?" Cuddy asked.

"Just watch" House replied with a cunning smile.

Moving over to the blinds, she looked out discreetly. House took a deep breath then called out in an excited tone "CUDDY! CALM DOWN!!! Not even my hookers are this eager! What will my team think!?"

House and Cuddy watched as the team's jaws dropped in shock and surprise. They looked at each other, then at House's office. Seeing House and Cuddy watching their reactions, their expressions quickly changed from shock, to disappointment then to guilt and embarrassment as they caught the triumphant expressions on their bosses' faces.

Almost simultaneously, the team put their heads down and forced themselves to concentrate on what they were doing. Satisfied, House turned and smirked at Cuddy's expression which was both impressed and slightly grateful.

"So… what's all this about?"

"I'm going to be at a conference tomorrow, I've left Wilson in charge. Could you please, please not cause trouble, at least until I get back?" Cuddy implored him, considering how many hours off clinic duty she was willing to bribe him with.

_A whole morning without Cuddy here… oh the possibilities!!!_ House thought, scratching his chin. Fighting to keep his expression neutral, House nodded once and said "Okay".

Cuddy blinked in surprise. "Okay? That's it? _Okay?"_

"oh-kaaay…." House said slowly, drawing the word out. "Cuddy, I know it's got 4 letters, but I think you're ready to handle the word 'okay'. The definition being: 'I won't cause trouble while you're gone'… unless you _want_ me to cause trouble?" House added, looking hopefully at her.

"Not a chance!"

"Okay then, have fun being bored out of your brains at the conference!" House said with faux-enthusiasm, giving her two thumbs up.

"I will…" Cuddy said, still surprised and now completely suspicious. She decided however, that it was best to just take his answer and leave.

"I'll be back by 1.00 tomorrow." She informed him.

"What time are you leaving?"

"It starts at 9.00 but I'll be here doing stuff until 8.30."

Keeping a straight face, House simply nodded. Cuddy narrowed her eyes, still not trusting him. She turned though, deciding to leave before she regretted saying something that he could construe into permission to cause trouble. Pulling open the door, she stopped and said to him over her shoulder "just remember House, Wilson's in charge, so no funny business!'

Cuddy gave him one last glance then walked away. House watched her, waiting until she was in the elevator. Once the doors closed, blocking him from her view, he allowed the diabolical smile that was close to giving him away to break free.

House opened the door to the differential room. Thirteen and Foreman had gone, but Kutner was sitting at the computer. House grinned - Kutner could dig it.

"Hey Kutner, guess what? Cuddy's going to be away all morning tomorrow!"

Kutner caught the smile on House's face and grinned slyly. "What have you got in mind?"

House thought for a second. Thumping his cane on the ground twice, he replied "I think it's time to have lunch with Jimmy."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Wilson was finishing the last patient report for the day when he suddenly became aware of being watched, the hairs on the back of his neck to standing up. He finished writing and then looked up at the door first out of habit.

It was closed.

Frowning in confusion, he looked out of the glass door to the balcony which joined with House's.

Staring back at him was House, standing right up against the glass, with a crazed look on his face and his scalpel raised to face height, with the blade pointing towards Wilson. His mouth was open in a twisted sneer and his chest was heaving, completing the deranged, psycho killer look.

Wilson let out a yelp of fright, jumping backwards in his chair, causing it to topple over backwards. Picking himself up weakly, he dimly registered the sound of House roaring with laughter. Looking out the door again, he saw House on the floor, banging his fist against the ground, laughing so hard he could barely breathe - he hadn't even managed to make it through the door.

Wilson crossed his office on wobbly legs and opened the door, smiling sheepishly. He then laughed at House laughing despite trying to pull himself together.

Wilson picked up House's scalpel and put the cover on it to avoid having to re-attach one of House's arms because he rolled on it. House had just managed to stop laughing. Looking at Wilson, his face streaked with tears, he grinned widely.

"House you bastard! You scared the crap out of me!"

House burst out laughing again. He tried to push himself up but fell back down again, weak with hilarity. Wilson reached down and before House could protest, lifted him up to his feet.

Wiping his cheeks, House cast his red-rimmed eyes towards Wilson, the blue cerulean colour of his eyes shining brightly. "Wow Jimmy! That was better than the time I drugged you with speed, made you pee on the lounge and sent you flowers from 'Cuddy' all combined!"

I'm glad I'm here to amuse you" Wilson said dryly.

House's breathing had started to return to normal yet his eyes were still shining with tears of laughter.

"Wanna go get lunch?" He asked innocently.

Wilson scoffed "Let me guess… my treat?"

"What!? After I scared you like that? That would be cruel!" House said mock-sincerely. "But then again, Q.E.D, I get off on cruelty, so… thanks for offering Jimmy!" House said, slapping him on the back and heading out of the office. Wilson couldn't help smiling after him and shaking his head, he followed House out.

Sitting at their usual table, Wilson finished what was left of his lunch after House had eaten half of his chips as well as his own.

"What's up House?" Wilson asked, swallowing the last chip.

"Do I need a reason to scab lunch off you?"

"No, but due to the fact that you've been tapping your cane on the table for the last 5 mins, something's up."

"I need your help tomorrow. Cuddy left you in charge, so your word goes and if you help, I'm off the hook."

"Yeah… there's just one small catch. You may get off the hook, but I'm the one who'll be fired"

House rolled his eyes and scoffed "Oh please, like Cuddy would fire you… she loves you! She likes having you around. Your tendency to thrive off neediness is like the male equivalent to her over-powering maternal instinct, she relates to you."

"Riiight…" Wilson said drawing the word out skeptically. "Sure House, that's the only reason I'm here." He said rolling his eyes.

"Help me, and tomorrow will prove I'm right!" House told him, completely confident.

"What have you planned?"

"Kutner and I have a few ideas… So, are you in?"

Wilson sighed. He reasoned that he might be able to control House by playing along with his game and putting his foot down where necessary from the inside… _maybe_.

"Ok, I'm in" Wilson said. House let out a loud whoop of joy, causing several heads to turn.

"Wow… you must have one doozey of a morning planned!"

House winked "Oh Wilson, you have no idea!"

Leaning in and beckoning Wilson to do the same, House started explaining what he and Kutner had started planning.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Cuddy glanced at her watch. It was 8.20am. Gathering up the paperwork in front of her, she organized them into a neat pile and placed them next to her keyboard. Standing up, she grabbed her hand bag and headed towards the door.

Turning the handle, she turned and looked at the layout of her office, taking in all the items, tying to take a mental photo to compare her office to when she returned – just in case.

With that, she exited her office and made a point of locking the door, testing the lock several times to convince herself that it was securely locked. House wouldn't be getting in by any lax mistakes on her part.

She walked towards the front doors, stopping to speak to Brenda, the head nurse at the reception desk.

* * *

"Stop fidgeting! She'll see us!" House whispered irritated, seeing Kutner hopping from foot to foot in anticipation.

"Sorry!" Kutner whispered back anxiously. He placed his arms at his sides and grounded his feet on the floor, forcefully locking his limbs so he wouldn't move.

House looked back over at Cuddy. The view point that House, Wilson and Kutner had from the clinic was a blessing and a curse. They could see her but she would also be able to see them. _If she thought of looking here…_ House thought. He smirked at the irony. Cuddy was going, so he got the morning off clinic duty, now he was in the clinic by choice.

"She's leaving" Wilson whispered.

"Finally!" House exclaimed excitedly, his face splitting in a massive grin "Soldiers, MOVE OUT!"

Heading to the storage cupboard, House started pulling out a pair of cycling gloves. Opening the door to the cupboard, House immediately spotted the foldable wheelchairs. Passing his cane to Wilson, he leant in and pulled out 3 wheelchairs.

From the inside of the cupboard, House heard an extra muffled voice from outside. Looking out of the cupboard, he saw a nurse speaking to Wilson. He was just in time to catch what she was saying.

"… of your patients called. They need to speak to you immediately" She said, noticing House for the first time since she arrived and glanced between him and the storage cupboard in suspicious curiosity. House pulled a face at her and she looked away quickly.

Wilson sighed. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't abandon his patients for a wheelchair race…

Putting his wheelchair back, he heard the whines and groans from House and Kutner.

"Aww come on Jimmy! Your baldies can wait!" House said, pouting.

"Please Wilson?" Kutner also begged, pulling on the big, puppy eyes.

House mimicked Kutner and leant down so their faces were side by side. Wilson had to admit that House's big blue eyes did a much better job than Kutner's but it wasn't enough to deter him from his duty to his patients.

"I'm sorry guys. This shouldn't take too long. You go ahead and race without me. I'll meet you in House's office at 9.00"

House brightened up "Okay!"

"See ya Wilson" Kutner said smiling sadly.

Feeling guilt-ridden Wilson said to him "Don't worry, I'll race the winner!"

"You mean 'I'll race House'" House said braggingly. "Jeez Wilson, you should know I'm a freak on 4 wheels".

"Yeah right!" Kutner scoffed, challenging House. Wilson shook his head and walked away. He wasn't going to be missed until 9.00 now.

"Bring. It. On." House said slowly and confidently, accepting the challenge.

They both grabbed a wheelchair and unfolded them. Kutner grabbed the roll of masking tape they brought with them and lay down the starting line.

Sitting in the chairs, the tested the mobility of the wheels. Out of the blue, Kutner asked House "Do think the hospital would allow us to get one of the motor controlled wheelchairs and install a Nitrous Oxide tank to the engine?"

House looked over at Kutner, not expecting the question. Considering it, House's eyes lit up excitedly.

Adopting his best 'teen stoner' voice he said seriously "Dude! That would be wicked cool! We totally should do that!"

Kutner looked at his boss with a smirk which fell slightly and turned into one of hesitant expectation when he saw House's 'serious contemplation' expression. Kutner gulped, now he was responsible for putting the idea in House's head…

Snapping back to the present, House put the idea to the side for further consideration later.

"Nice idea kid, but I can see through your attempts to put off your complete thrashing as I fly across the line first!"

"Whatever!" Kutner shot back.

They wheeled themselves to the starting line.

"Okay, this is the course: We race to the elevators, go down to the ground floor, circle the reception desk twice, then take the elevator back up here. Obviously, first one to cross this line wins. There is the option of a shortcut. If you're daring enough, you can take the stairs down… of course, the stairs may be a faster boost to the lead initially, but there are 4 flights of stairs, the danger of falling out and breaking your neck and then maneuvering yourself out of the door on the ground floor. All while staying in the chair, which will be checked by re-running the security cameras."

Kutner stared at House as though he was completely crazy.

"Uh… I think I'll take the elevator" he said hesitantly.

House thought for a second then nodded "Good idea". Kutner sighed in relief.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road!" House said.

They checked that the other was behind the line.

"Gentlemen, start your engines!!!" House said in a dramatically deep, booming voice.

Both of them let rip raw, growling formula 1 racing car engine sounds, rocking their chairs slightly forward. House yelled out in the voice he used a second ago "THREE… TWO… ONE… GO!!!!"

They both shot forward, their arms pumping furiously, pushing themselves toward the elevators. Kutner could see House out of the corner of his eye as he headed forward. He noticed House getting further and further away. Looking over, he saw with horror that House was heading for the door to the stairs.

"House you crazy bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing!" Kutner shouted out hysterically, still pushing forward.

"I'm taking the stairs. Duh!!!"

"You said 'Good idea' as in 'Good idea that was a completely crazy suggestion, there is no way that is possible!'"

"No, I said 'Good idea' as in 'Good idea, you take the slow elevator, and I'll take the stairs and beat your scrawny ass down to the ground floor and back!'" He said, still wheeling himself toward the door at an impressive speed.

Kutner got to the button and pressed it hurriedly as House pushed open the emergency exit door leading to the stairwell. Pushing through it, Kutner caught his last parting words before the door closed behind him: "See you later, sucker!"

Kutner pressed the button again impatiently. He hoped House knew what he was doing.

30 seconds later, which felt like 30 years, the doors opened and Kutner shot in, pressing the 'G' button furiously.

With perfect balance, House made his way down the first flight of stairs. One thing Kutner didn't know about his boss was that he had spent a week in a wheelchair for a bet and practiced wheelies and going down stairs for fun.

Carefully maneuvering himself down the second flight, he heard the beeper on his watch off. _1 minute has passed…_ he thought.

From his extensive experience of riding the elevators, someone got on at each floor all the time at this time of morning. The elevators were also designed to move slower than standard elevators so that when they stopped, the movement wouldn't jolt the injured patients riding them.

House figured that after 1 minute, Kutner was just leaving the third floor. House was halfway to the ground floor.

He had this race licked.

* * *

The atmosphere on the ground floor was busy, yet calm as the nurses carried out their orders from Cuddy. There was a small crowd of people in the clinic and around the reception desk, completely unsuspecting of any insanity that would happen in 3 seconds.

People noticed a strange noise coming from the stair well. Looking towards the door, their mouths dropped open in shock as the door burst open and House in a wheelchair burst through, his chest heaving as he panted, with sweat pouring off him. At the same time, one of the elevator doors opened and out flew Kutner like a bat out of hell, also in a wheelchair.

He looked around and spotted House. He stared incredulously at his boss who hadn't noticed him yet. In that instant, House looked over and saw Kutner, with his incredulous expression.

"OH SHIT!" House exclaimed. He grabbed the handles on the wheels and forced himself forward.

Kutner got over his shock quickly and went after House, following close behind.

All around them, people stared in slack-jawed shock as House and Kutner skidded dramatically as they turned around the front desk for the first time.

"House! What the _HELL_ are you doing!!?" shrieked Brenda.

"We're racing… _Duh_!" House shouted back as he went around the third corner of the desk.

Kutner attempted to push past House as he was temporarily distracted. "Oh no!!! Don't even think about it!!" House muttered under his breath as he maneuvered his chair to cut Kutner off. Kutner yelled out in surprise as he nearly toppled out of his chair.

"Oops!" House called out over his shoulder. Gritting his teeth, Kutner pushed on, falling in right behind House.

Going around the desk for the second time, House started a running commentary of the race.

"And House pushes ahead of Kutner once again, showing off his fantastically mad 4 wheeling skills, almost knocking Kutner to the curb… but amazingly, he recovers! showing off _his_ amazingly persistent dedication to failing dismally!"

"The race isn't over yet, House!" Kutner shouted from behind him.

"A very good point raised by Kutner" House commented out loud. "Unfortunately for him though, he doesn't seem to have the skills to gain the lead in the short time he has."

More attention had been drawn to the race by this point. A barrier of people had formed around the front desk, shouting out their support to their preferred racer – much to the disgust of Brenda.

"Tension is mounting as they make the final turn around the desk. The crowd goes wild as House, not surprisingly, leads the way to the elevators"

The watching crowd did a Mexican wave as House shot past, holding his cane in front of him like a medieval lance, aimed at the elevator 'up' button. Instantly, both elevators dinged in response, as Kutner pulled up next to House, panting heavily.

"Bit puffed are we?" House smirked, keeping his eyes on the doors.

"You've got nothing on me old man" Kutner taunted back.

The surrounding crowd started a count down as the doors slowly opened.

"THREE… TWO… ONE… GO!!!"

House and Kutner forced their way into the two separate elevators, leaving the excited crowd to speculate amongst themselves over who would win.

* * *

Wilson looked at his watch as his patient left the office, noticing it was almost time to meet House and Kutner.

Stepping out of his office, he noticed the tape line on the ground. He frowned for a second in confusion. Realisation suddenly dawned, just as he heard both elevator doors open as well as loud shouts emerging from behind him.

Wilson turned and just managed to throw himself out of the way as House and Kutner tore down the hallway, desperately trying to get ahead of the other.

Wilson watched in amazement as House and Kutner soared over the line at the same time.

House managed to stop, but Kutner kept rolling towards the wall. Wilson ran after him, planning on stopping him before he hit it. At the last second, Wilson managed to get a hold of the handles and pulled backwards.

The chair stopped as planned, but Kutner didn't. Despite Wilson's best efforts, Kutner head-butted the wall in a comical fashion.

"OW!!!" Kutner yelled in pain.

"I tried to stop you!" Wilson apologized as he helped Kutner up. Rubbing his head, he looked over at House and saw his boss pointing and pissing himself laughing at Kutner.

"You better check his head Wilson! We may have just lost the last two brain cells he had left!" House snarked, still laughing.

"Shut up House!" Kutner grumbled.

Wilson decided to check Kutner's head anyway. Finding nothing wrong with it apart from a small lump, he declared him fit to head-butt walls another day.

"Yippee!" House cried mock-jubilantly. "Now we can put the next part of the plan into action. Wilson, go get your phone! Kutner…

A-TEN-HUT!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

After grabbing his phone and meeting House and Kutner in House's office, Wilson connected the phone lead to his phone and looked at House.

Smirking, House grabbed both receivers and held them up to his ears. Shouldering the right one to free his hand, he put both phones on speaker and said to Kutner "Dial the nurse's station at the same time as I dial the number for the ER"

Kutner looked at his boss in confusion but complied. Together, they each pressed 5 buttons.

The silent office was filled with the sound of both phones dialing at the same time as the occupants of the office looked at each other in expectation.

"No matter what happens," House said in warning, smiling slightly, "Don't make any noise at all".

He had just finished the last syllable when the ringing stopped as the people on the other end picked up.

At opposite ends of the ground floor, Nurse Brenda and Cameron picked up their ringing phones at the same time.

"Hello?" both answered.

There was a moments confusion, then Cameron spoke again.

"Hello? This is Dr Cameron in the ER…"

"Um… Hi Dr Cameron…" Nurse Brenda answered.

"Nurse Brenda?" Cameron enquired as she checked Caller ID, now totally confused.

"Yes, that's right… did you need something for the ER?"

"Uhh… no… you called me didn't you?"

"I was under the impression you called me…"

"The phone rang… and I answered…"

"That's what happened here too…"

* * *

Four floors up, House Kutner and Wilson were shaking with barely suppressed laughter. House had tears of laughter in his eyes, Wilson's shoulders were bouncing up and down rapidly as tried to control himself. Kutner was worse off, however. He had managed to fit his whole fist in his mouth, so no sound would come out, as well as blocking his nose so he wouldn't snort with laughter instead.

House had made an effort to avoid looking at the others to make it easier on himself, but seeing what Kutner was doing just set him off.

House couldn't help the small burst of laughter that escaped. He clamped both hands over his mouth but the damage was done.

"HOUSE!!!" both Cameron and Brenda shouted at the same time - Cameron in exasperation and Brenda in annoyance.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realise you girls were on the phone! I'll let you get back to your gossip session now!"

With that, he hung up both phones and hi-fived Kutner and Wilson's raised hands.

"Dudes… that was awesome!" Kutner declared excitedly.

"Totally…" House replied back, mocking him.

"Well, it's been fun guys, but I think its time to get back to work now, don't you?" Wilson asked, unplugging his phone and tucking it under his arm. Looking up, he was met with identical expressions of disbelief.

"Wilson, that was only 15 mins… we've still got 3 hours and 45 mins left!!" House said, still looking at Wilson as if he was completely crazy.

Sighing, Wilson reviewed his logic in keeping the Hospital safe… _maybe it's not too late for the chlorofoam…_ he thought hopefully.

Knowing he had no choice, he hesitantly asked "So what's next?"

House put on his most innocent face "Why Jimmy, I thought you'd never ask… we're going to watch a movie!"

"What are we going to watch?" Kutner asked eagerly.

House turned slowly and eyed him up. Kutner stared back, a little uneasy now, under the look House was giving him.

"Do you know how to pick a lock?" House asked

"Of course!" Kutner scoffed.

"Good, because I do too…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

After the confusion House had caused over the phone, Brenda was now nursing a small flame of anger, constantly kept alight as she continued to work.

Her attention was caught belatedly by the murmuring of people around her. Looking up, she saw House standing on the top balcony that overlooked the front reception.

Tapping his cane on the railing, he called out in a loud voice "If anyone's interested, there will be a free screening of 'Hardwood Hospital' in the doctors lounge - everyone, especially ladies – are welcome!"

His speech was met with stunned silence. People glanced at each other with shocked expressions at this man's unbelievable announcement.

"HOUSE!!! WHAT THE HELL!!??" Brenda yelled up at him in fury.

House shrugged "What? I'm being nice for once! I'm letting people watch for free. Usually, I would have charged a 6 pack from the dudes and a peep-flash from the ladies… geez, can't you pick the right times to get pissed off at me!?"

"House…" Brenda said, now shaking with fury "If you don't get out of here in two seconds, so help me…!"

"Okay, okay! I'm going!" House said, smirking at the enraged woman below him.

Pressing the button for the elevator, the doors opened straight away. Looking back out over the crowd, he called out "Just remember, it'll be in the doctors lounge! Password is: Debbie does Brenda!" he couldn't resist adding that last jibe at the nurse. He quickly stepped into the elevator, before she found a set of throwing knives or something from under the desk.

The elevator took House down to the ground floor. As the doors opened, he stayed inside the elevator, hiding to one side, checking for anyone who might see him.

Once the coast was clear, he set off for the clinic, trying to keep his uneven gait as smooth as possible.

Reaching the doors, he pushed them open and was greeted by Wilson and Kutner. They were both smiling appreciatively at him.

"Debbie does Brenda…" Wilson muttered, chuckling and shaking his head at his friend. House grinned broadly.

"How livid was she when I said that?"

"Her eyes nearly popped out of her head in shock, then she turned a very satisfying 'deep rouge'" Wilson informed him, grinning and holding his fist up.

House laughed and fist bumped him. Turning to Kutner, he nodded "Your time to shine, man!"

Kutner nodded, realizing the importance of his mission. Both House and Wilson patted him on the back then opened the door for him. Kutner grabbed the metal ER assisting table, loaded with metal organ dishes and other metal objects and pushed it out the door.

House and Wilson watched as Kutner slowly made his way across the front area, doing his best to remain inconspicuous. Once sure no one was looking, Kutner turned the cart sharply and then helped gravity drag it to the ground with an all mighty crash.

Metal dishes went flying and skidded across the room, as an apologetic Kutner tried desperately to retrieve them. Everyone in the hall heard the crash and several people were now helping the reputably clumsy doctor to pick up the cart and the dishes.

From their view point, House and Wilson watched in satisfaction as Kutner carried out his part to perfection, causing complete chaos.

"Let's go!" House said.

They made their way over to Cuddy's office. Wilson turned and kept an eye out at the reception area, moving so that his body covered majority of House's from any suspicious eyes that might look their way.

Seconds turned into what felt like hours for Wilson. Skittishly, his leg twitched with nervousness.

"Hurry up House!"

"Calm down Wilson, Kutner's distraction is working perfectly… and besides, we're in" he said, opening the door to Cuddy's office.

House and Wilson stood in front of the door which they closed, with the blinds drawn as well, for safety's sake. Looking at each other, they both pulled identical evil grins.

"Let's go nuts…" House said, his eyes shining with pure excitement.

"Yes, lets…" Wilson agreed.

Moving forward together, they put the items they had stocked in their pockets onto Cuddy's desk and got to work.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the clinic, Kutner was enjoying the results of his distraction. Surveying the scene, he determined that he wouldn't be missed for a couple of seconds.

Shoving a hand into his pocket, he pulled out 5 small little black boxes. Moving behind the desk and grabbing the sticky tape, Kutner carefully pulled out the little plastic slip that was in each box. Under the noise of the crowd which was still chasing after metal dishes and other small items that had managed to find their way into the most peculiar places, Kutner could hear the shrill, electronic music that usually greeted the unsuspecting receiver of a singing birthday card.

Reaching under the desk, Kutner stuck up two boxes then moved to the other side and put up one more. Reaching for a draw, he place one inside. With one left, Kutner looked around, trying to find one more spot. Taking a step back, he tripped and fell back into the office chair the nurse's sat in when they weren't frantically sorting paperwork.

Kutner grinned. He pulled the plastic strip out of the last box and stuck it underneath the chair – considering how busy they were, that was the last place they would look.

Making his way back to the cart which was now up righted, with 95% of the items returned to it, he put on his best apologetic expression and started thanking his way out of there.

* * *

In the same time that it took Kutner to plant the 'sticky-irritating-grenades', House and Wilson had gotten half way through the plans for Cuddy's office.

So far they had disconnected her keyboard and put a ransom note in it's place, demanding 1 month off clinic duty (for each of them). Her draws had been up turned so that when she opened them, all the contents fell out. The photos in her office had been pushed to sit on a slight, but noticeable angle, and had just started putting up little cut out pictures of Kutner's head all over her office in the most obscure yet plainly visible places they could think of. Removing another piece of paper from the hidden pocket of is blazer, House placed it on the desk next to the ransom note. It read, quite simply: 'Spot the Kutners'.

Limping over to the door with Wilson following him, House turned and surveyed their handiwork.

Wilson looked at him "Tell me something, why go to all this trouble now that Cuddy is away?"

House looked at him incredulously "Seriously!? Why do dogs lick themselves?" he asked rhetorically "Because they can and no one can stop them" he answered himself, looking smugly at Wilson.

Not believing him, Wilson scoffed "Yeah right… and the fact that you have deeply suppressed feelings towards Cuddy wouldn't have anything _at all_ to do with it…" he said with sarcasm, raising his eyebrows at House.

House frowned at him "Well great, thank you Dr Phil for that enlightening heart felt session…"

"Don't even try and deny it House!"

"Have you ever wondered _how hard_ my cane is? It's quite strong and heavy… it could do some damage…" House said threateningly.

"And… you're deflecting… and threatening violence. I must be spot on!" Wilson said happily. "Just talk to her House! What's the worst that could happen?"

"Are you kidding me? The worst thing that could happen is that I lose my hearing due to suffering the insufferable screech of her voice. Besides…" He added more seriously "it would never work out…"

Wilson looked at his friend in surprise. He hadn't expected a serious answer. "Just try it House…"

House looked at Wilson. Still completely serious, he replied "It's not worth the trouble if it doesn't work out"

"It will work out House, and she _is_ worth the trouble, I know you know that!"

House nodded once, still full of self doubt. Gaining control of his emotions once more, he checked the office one last time.

"Come on, let's go finish what we started. I've got to make sure I still piss her off!" he added with a devious look.

With that, he pivoted on his good leg and left the office, turning the lock so that it would catch when the door closed.

Wilson shook his head, still trying to follow House's mood swing from serious to devious and mischievous a moment later. Following House out of the office and pulling the door closed, Wilson though of how he could help his buddy out.

A split second before the door reached the frame, he got an idea. Checking for House's over observant gaze, Wilson quickly flicked the lock so it wouldn't catch when closed so he could enter the room later.

He hurried after House, his mind focusing on his new plan to bring them together… at least so they might talk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

After they met up with Kutner in House's office, Wilson excused himself, telling them that he really, really needed to finish his paperwork. House and Kutner whined but let him go. They only had one thing left to do anyway.

After Wilson had left, House headed for the door.

"Let's go soldier! The doctor's lounge isn't going to 'TP' itself you know!"

Kutner hurriedly followed House. Waiting at the elevators next to House, he noticed his boss was preoccupied by some thought which, by the looks of it, was one he didn't want to be dealing with.

Shrugging to himself, Kutner entered the elevator with House.

"Where's all the stuff?" Kutner asked

"It's in the janitor's closet. I think a few rolls should do nicely" he said with a wily grin.

* * *

Back in the sanctity of his office, Wilson reached for his laptop. He opened Microsoft Word and started typing a new ransom note for Cuddy's keyboard.

Adding his demands, as well as House's, he re-read the letter.

_If you want to see your keyboard returned in one piece, you must follow these demands completely, otherwise we will, with no hesitation,  
wreak havoc on this hospital until you do – as well as keep your keyboard, and any new one's you might acquire.  
__  
The demands are these:_

_You will authorize 3 staff members with 1 month each off clinic duty. The particulars are Dr. House, Dr. Wilson and Dr. Kutner.  
__These doctors are in no way affiliated with us, nor do they know anything about the whereabouts of our location._

_Once you have completed his, you will approach Dr House for the return of your keyboard,  
as well as discuss whatever feelings for him that __**we know **__**you have**__._

_You have 5 hours from the time of your return._

_That is all._

Pressing print, Wilson smiled happily. Of course Cuddy would know that Wilson wrote the note – well, the last part at least. _What she will do about it should prove interesting…_ Wilson thought.

Taking the paper from the printer, Wilson left his office and headed to Cuddy's office. As he passed the nurse's station, he observed that Brenda was definitely looking worse for wear. Her hair was ruffled, most likely from running her hand through it in irritation and her make up was slightly smudged, probably from running a hand down her face after messing up her hair.

Listening carefully, Wilson just caught the sound of 'happy birthday' being played from 5 different locations around the desk, each playing a different part of the song, creating one small yet irritating wall of shrill music for the occupants of the desk.

Wilson smirked, House's plan to piss off Brenda was working better than he had ever imagined.

Entering Cuddy's office, Wilson took the old ransom note and replaced it with his. He left her office quickly, making sure to lock the door behind him.

Heading back across the entrance hall whilst reading the old ransom note clutched in his had, he walked straight, smack bang into somebody near the Nurse's desk.

Looking up in surprise, his mouth open ready to apologise sincerely, his words caught in his throat and his stomach turned to ice.

Wilson had run straight into House.

"Hi House!" Wilson said quickly, trying to inconspicuously shove the old ransom note into a pocket.

"Hi Jimmy!" House replied back, immediately picking up on Wilson's guilty demeanor and taking advantage of it. He saw Wilson slyly trying to hide a piece of paper.

Putting two and two together, House held out his hand wordlessly. Wilson was in such a state of guilt that he knew immediately he had been busted. With a look of regret, he put the old ransom note into House's hand.

House opened the paper, took a quick glance then pulled a mock-confused look.

"Hmm… I think I've seen this piece of paper before. Now where did I… oh that's right! Silly me, how could I forget!? It was in Cuddy's office… which was supposed to be locked. Now since you were the last one out and I _know_ I flicked the lock that means you flicked it back. Now ordinarily, I wouldn't care… but seeing as you're so guilty from being busted by me, you must have done something that I wouldn't like. So, the big question is Jimmy, what is in the place of the ransom note?"

Wilson's expression turned equally awestruck and uncomfortable as he listened to House's deductive logic, even though he was in the shit, he still was amazed by House's abilities.

"I got an idea to get you and Cuddy to talk, and so I changed the ransom note…" Wilson mumbled. Catching House's expression, he quickly added "I still left the part about clinic duty, and what we would do if she didn't comply with that!"

House's murderous expression lessened somewhat, but it still was a sight to behold – or rather, not, in Wilson's case. Looking past the deeply etched frown lines and the 'death by a glance' look on House's face, Wilson could see the hurt in his friend's eyes.

"House, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it behind your back… I'll go and change the notes." Wilson said, trying to ease the burn of his betrayal.

House just gave him one last look then turned and left, keeping the old ransom note with him.

Wilson swallowed thickly, trying to justify to himself why he had done it behind House's back. No reason came to mind. Staring around the vast space of the entrance hall, Wilson tried to decide what to do. He figured he'd better try and do some work and think about how he could repair things with House.

Heading for the elevators, he was surprised to find that it was 11.00am. _Two hours until Cuddy gets back and now things will be even worse because House won't want to cooperate… not after what I've done…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

House sat on the comfortable Eames chair in the corner of his office, his legs propped up on the foot rest.

His mind kept going over Wilson's betrayal, trying to justify why he would do something like that.

Fiddling with the corner of the old note, House thought about Wilson's motivation.

_He meddles… it's in his nature to make things right. What is there to make right? He wants me to be happy. How does he see me happy? He sees me with Cuddy. How does he see me with Cuddy? He replaces the ransom note… with what? An extra demand for Cuddy to marry him?_

House snorted humourlessly, he wouldn't be surprised if that was a demand. House could see Wilson's point of view. He wanted House to be happy. Hell, House wanted to be happy. That still didn't mean that Wilson was right to go behind his back. Even though House knew he would have stepped on the brakes to Wilson's plan, whilst leaning on the horn for emphasis.

House continued pondering his dilemma. Looking at the note, he asked himself _Do I want to be with Cuddy?_ Staring at the note, he heard Wilson's earlier submission _"I'll go and change the notes"_ Yet House kept the note anyway. Considering carefully, House only saw one conclusion _Yes, I want to be with Cuddy._

House figured he'd better go find his personal love life organizer… Rolling his eyes, he got up from the chair. Looking at his watch, he noted that it was 11.30am. It had been half an hour since he last saw Wilson. Figuring that he would have moved into the early stages of insanity by guilt, he knew he'd better check on him soon.

Heading for Wilson's office, House was suddenly struck with a random idea. Just because Wilson's idea wasn't totally crazy, it doesn't dismiss the way he went about it.

Heading back to his office, House reached into one other the lower draws at his desk and pulled out a small tool box.

Heading for the elevators again, House pushed the button for the Ground floor, his mind already at his destination.

* * *

Sitting alone in his office, Wilson was starting to feel the early on set stages of paranoia. _I should have spoken to him about it first!_ Wilson thought for the hundredth time. _Why didn't he let me change them over though?_ For the thousandth time, Wilson considered this particular question. The only reason Wilson could come up with, was that House deep, deep… _deep_ down, wanted a small part of himself to believe that they might be able to get together.

Wilson couldn't take sitting alone in his office – he just _had_ to find House and apologise. Getting up from his desk, he didn't make it two steps before the door flew open and House stood in the open door way, his eyes focused on Wilson with their ice cold stare.

Wilson gulped but held his ground, his conviction that House wanted to be with Cuddy remained in his mind.

House stared at Wilson for a few more seconds, his blue eyes drilling through Wilson's – then he smiled.

Wilson's brain took a few seconds to process what was happening. It wasn't an evil smile, it was a genuine smile, yet it still had traces of a smirk and a suspicious undercurrent of triumph.

House laughed inwardly at his buddy's confused expression. Smirking, he teased him "Aw Jimmy, I missed you too!"

Wilson's face clearly portrayed the only thought that was going through his head at that point: _WTF!!!???_

House suddenly turned serious. "I've taken sometime to think about what I've not been thinking about, and I know that it's 20 years long over due… but I think I'll try getting with Cuddy."

Wilson could only stare in disbelief. "_Seriously!?"_

"I need to know if I can trust you Wilson. I know you had "good" intentions but if you're going to go behind my back, then let me know now."

Wilson finally unstuck his throat "No House, I swear, I won't do that again! I'm sorry I did it in the first place! I have no idea why I even thought not telling you would be a good idea!"

Looking calculative, House judged Wilson's expression and tone. Seeing nothing but genuine remorse, House nodded. Wilson sighed.

"One thing that is bugging me though…" House said distractedly "What was the new demand that you put on the note?"

Wilson looked at House and said sheepishly "All I said what that after she had Ok'd our clinic hours, she could collect her keyboard from you _after_ she talks to you about the feelings I know she has for you."

House considered this. _If Cuddy doesn't give us the month off, we'll wreak havoc. She knows what I'm capable of, so she'll either agree, or renegotiate a lesser amount of time. Then, she'll talk to me about her feelings, which works out great for me since that's what I'm trying to achieve here._

House shifted his mind back to reality. Holding out his hand he said "Gimme!"

Wilson looked at his hand "What?"

"The keyboard, DUH!" House said.

Wilson smiled and took the keyboard from the bookshelf behind him and handed it to House.

House looked at it speculatively. "Of course, the note never said that it wouldn't be altered in it's time of being held hostage…"

House took a screw driver out of the toolbox he still had with him and pried the 'm' and the 'n' out of their places and switched their locations. Doing the same to the 'z' and the 'x' and the 'o' and 'p', House held the keyboard up for Wilson to observe.

Grinning appreciatively, Wilson commended his friend's handiwork "Nice!"

"Now, there's one last thing which I've thought of just now, which needs to be put into immediate action." House said.

"What's that?"

"I think we need to piss Brenda off some more…"

"Umm… House, I think she's at the brink of insanity right now. Didn't you see what the birthday card noise… things were doing to her?"

House grinned at the image, but shook his head. "You said it yourself Jimmy, she's at the _brink_ of insanity. If Cuddy's going to believe that these terrorists are the real deal, we'll have to cut some fingers off… and by fingers I mean the ones desperately holding onto the edge of sanity…" House explained with his evil grin at its best.

Wilson smiled slyly "Lead on McDuff!"

Following House to his office, Wilson suddenly realised something "By the way… why are you carrying a tool box?"

Pausing mid-way whilst reaching for his amplifier and leads, House turned to Wilson, his smile turning diabolical "Oh never you mind, my young, unsuspecting horn-basher…"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

By 12.00, the staff on duty at the front entrance were frazzled and stressed out. They had managed to find 4 of the 'happy birthday' singing boxes but one was eluding them. Almost mockingly, it's originally shrill and piercing up beat tone had slowed as the batteries gradually died. The song now sounded deeper and slower which, in itself created both relief at the variation and irritation at the now boring, monotonous repetition.

Yet, 'frazzled and stressed' was a complete understatement when it came to describing Brenda by this time. The other nurses did their best to help her out and ease her burden, but there was no saving her.

Whilst signing off on some paperwork, one of the nurses turned to her friend as they both watched Brenda out of the corner of their eyes, muttering to each other.

"Poor Brenda! House has really gone all out this time! I swear if he pulls one more stunt, he'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life after Brenda gets him… or worse"

The other nurse nodded gravely, not daring to respond due to the fact that Brenda had drifted closer with her duties and, for fear of suffering her wrath, she just walked away with nod of acknowledgement to her friend's statement.

Picking up some more files on the other side of the desk, she happened to look up at a scraping noise above her on the top balcony. Watching in disbelief and horror, she watched as Wilson helped Kutner half drag/lift what looked like an amplifier out of the elevator, as House followed them with his 'Flying V' guitar in one hand and a rolled up lead in the other.

Signaling her friend silently, the nurse motioned for her to look up. They both turned their gazes up in time to see Wilson plugging the amp into an electrical wall socket and House plugging his guitar into the amplifier.

There was a loud burst of feedback static as the lead chord touched the input hole. Both nurses closed their eyes in horror and cringed in anticipation.

Brenda froze where she stood. Her ears pricked to their absolute potential for sounds of disturbance. Slowly, furiously, _murderously_, Brenda turned and raised her eyes to the top balcony.

She watched, trembling with annoyance and one eye twitching slightly, as House strapped the guitar strap to his guitar and put it over his shoulder, the guitar settling down low across his stomach.

* * *

Looking down at the crowd below him, House smirked. _This is going to be wicked awesome!!! _He thought. His smile widened when he caught Brenda's eye. He raised his hand and wiggled his fingers toward her in greeting, winking cheekily.

Wilson and Kutner clapped him on the shoulder. Nodding to them, he watched them get into the elevator to go down to the Ground floor.

_Show time!_ House thought as he saw Wilson and Kutner stepping into his line of sight below him.

"WHAT UP PPTH!!?" House called out. He picked out a simple blues scale and played around with the order of the notes, fiddling around while he decided what to play.

The crowd, not expecting to see House standing with a guitar above them was less expectant of Wilson and Kutner whooping with excitement in reply to House.

"Now _that's_ the spirit!" He said. Haven't you people ever been to a rock concert before!? Come on! Get excited! OK! I want you to repeat back what I call out… everyone ready?"

"YEAH!" Wilson and Kutner shouted.

Surveying the crowd, House judged that there was less surprise now and more of hesitant compliance.

"Ok, repeat after me: WHOO!!!"

"WHOO" Wilson and Kutner replied, joined by some hesitant people at the back.

"Oh come ON!!! That's not it! WHOO!!!"

"WHOO!!" several people joined Wilson and Kutner now, getting more and more excited.

"_That's it!_" House called out! "YEAH!"

"YEAH" the crowd yelled back getting slightly louder.

"ROCK ON!!!" House yelled, enjoying the show of people making themselves look like complete idiots, led on by Wilson and Kutner.

"ROCK ON!" They all yelled back.

"HOUSE IS THE BEST!!" Smirking, he waited for the crowd's response to that.

There was a shout of laughter and about half of them returned the reply.

"… That's better than I expected!" House said, getting another laugh from the crowd.

"WILSON SMELLS!" House called out.

"WILSON SMELLS!" Wilson shook his head and glared with mock-murderous rage.

"BRENDA'S A BITCH!" House then called out, grinning at the infuriated nurse.

"BRENDA'S A BITCH!" the crowd roared back excitedly, having no idea who Brenda was.

"Damn straight!" House laughed. "Alright! _Now_ you're a proper crowd! Now… how about some Hendrix?"

The crowed clapped and cheered their approval.

Looking at his fingers in concentration, House covered the strings with his fingers and started strumming the funky rhythm of Hendix's Voodoo child.

The crowd cheered louder, many of them looking at each other in surprise, not expecting House to be such a good player.

Above them, closing his eyes and bobbing his head in time to the riff he was playing, he started singing, his ears picking up the crowd singing along with him

_Well, I stand up next to a mountain  
And I chop it down with the edge of my hand_

Yeah…

Some people had started dancing in time with House's mad guitar playing. Brenda looked on in absolute, slack-jawed, eye popping incredulity that House had managed to pull this off.

_Well, I stand up next to a mountain  
And I chop it down with the edge of my hand  
Well, I pick up all the pieces and make an island  
Might even raise a little sand_

Yeah…

Brenda was starting to believe that House chose this song on purpose. Staring up at him, she raised an eyebrow, silently questioning his actions and song choice.

Sensing her heated glare, he looked at her, his mind registering her question and he sang whilst grinning

_'cause I'm a voodoo child  
Lord knows I'm a voodoo child baby  
I want to say one more last thing  
I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time  
I'll give it right back to ya one of these days_

… Hahaha!

House made this sound laugh a mocking one, there was no way he would let Brenda rest.

_I said I didn't mean to take up all your sweet time  
I'll give it right back one of these days_

Oh yeah…

* * *

Pulling up inside her parking space, Cuddy turned off her car and sat there for a moment, taking a second to try and relax slightly after the dramas of the conference. Looking out her window, she gazed at her hospital. Focusing on the front door, she tried to see inside through the glass, but there were people blocking her view.

Shrugging it off, she got out of her car, eager to get back to the relative quiet and organized atmosphere of her work environment.

Closing and locking her car door, she noticed a strange sound coming from inside. She tried to identify it. It sounded like a dull hum. Now curious, she shouldered her handbag and tightened her grip on her professional leather brief case before heading towards the doors.

As she got closer, she gradually became more and more shocked as she at first, saw the huge crowd of people gathered in the entrance hall, then she was able to identify the humming sound.

It turned out to be the muffled cheering of the crowd. Reaching the front doors, her eyes widened as she saw House on the top balcony, his eyes focused on his fingers and his whole body jumping in time to what he was playing. She saw his mouth opening and closing, like he was singing.

Her initial shock gave way to fury. Opening the door, she was met with a wall of sound, made up of cheering, singing and guitar noises. Storming inside, her fury quickly gave away to impressed surprise. She looked at the crowd all around who took no notice of her. She gazed back up at House, deeply surprised and slightly impressed with the way he had the crowd wrapped around his little finger.

She spotted Wilson in the crowd, next to Kutner who were both busy head banging violently, while Kutner was trying to show Wilson how to make the 'rock on' hand sign with the thumb, pointer finger and pinky pointing up while the middle and ring fingers curled down.

Cuddy let out a laugh at the image of Wilson turning into a full on rock and roll nerd. She followed the thought through amusedly but stopped in horror when turned into him wearing black leather, with his soft brown hair dyed black and shaved on the sides with a 4 inch gelled Mohawk, as well as thick, heavy eyeliner adorning his chocolate brown eyes - she figured she'd better intervene.

Weaving through the crowd, she finally got to Wilson.

"Having fun?" She enquired casually with a raised voice above House's guitar and singing.

… _SINGING!!!?_

Cuddy forgot she had asked Wilson a question and was busy staring up at House in shock, listening to his gruff voice belting out the lyrics to what she recognized as the last line of 'Voodoo child'.

_He's amazing!!_ Cuddy thought incredulously.

A hand waved across her face, pulling back to her situation. Wilson was staring at her with a knowing, smug expression at the look on her face. Focusing quickly on her facial muscles, she realised she had been staring at him with adoration and admiration.

Deadpanning, she looked at Wilson, whose own expression quickly blanked as he caught the look on her face. She simply raised an eyebrow in expectation of his excuse.

Raising both hands up in surrender, he argued back, equally simply "it was the only way to stop him going on a full rampage!"

Cuddy frowned as she thought about this. She saw Wilson's logic and nodded. At least he was only holding a concert. Wilson sighed at her acceptance.

They both looked up as House finished a mad guitar riff, earning him exultant applause and cheering from the crowd.

House nodded his head to the group below him, his eyes raking the crowd, looking for Wilson to smirk his smugness at the awesomeness of his plan and his amazing playing when he suddenly caught sight of the last person he expected to see.

His eyes widened as he zeroed in on Cuddy. She was staring at him but she wasn't displaying any signs of planning for his disembowelment. She didn't even look mad. She looked… _happy!_

_Whoa…_ House thought deeply surprised. He caught her eye. She raised an eyebrow, silently letting him know that she wasn't completely letting him off the hook.

Growing more confident, House grinned and addressed the crowd.

"How was that!?"

The crowd roared back at him, smiles and cheering all around.

"You want some more!?" House taunted them.

"YEAH!!!"

Cuddy couldn't believe how much these people loved House… at the moment.

She looked back at House, still looking amazed.

House noticed the way she was looking at him… she was… proud. House's eyes bugged slightly as he realized this. He looked at Wilson who nodded at his disbelieving and questioning gaze. Wilson nodded meaningfully, looked at Cuddy then back at him pointedly.

House swallowed nervously. This was it, his shining moment. The time to show her he loved her.

Picking out random notes in an improvised melody, House looked at the room at large. The crowd was still cheering.

"Okay, since you responded so enthusiastically to the last song, I'll play one more!"

House almost took a step back at the force of the excited bellow of joy from the crowd.

Smiling slightly, he picked a song from is extensive internal playlist. _Perfect…_

Sliding his fingers across the strings, he listened to the squawk that came through the amp.

"So, from Hendrix, we have Santana!" House called out.

He didn't wait for the crowd's response. Placing his fingers on the strings, he let rip the opening melodious anthem like melody of 'Smooth'. The crowd went mental.

House listened to the fluid notes of the melody. He pursed his lips and sung out the fan fair trumpet part using his 'mouth trumpet'. The crowd cheered even louder.

Cuddy stared at Wilson in amazement. Wilson looked equally impressed.

House finished the introduction and started to sing, his voice as smooth and appealing as his guitar.

_Man, it's a hot one…  
Like seven inches from the midday sun  
Well, I hear you whispering in the words, to melt everyone  
But you stay so cool…_

Closing his eyes, House sang the next line._  
_

_My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem, Mona Lisa  
_

He looked down at Cuddy.

_You're my reason for reason…  
The step in my groove._

He kept his eyes focused on Cuddy as he sang the bridge.

_And if you said this life ain't good enough  
I would give my world to lift you up  
I could change my life to better suit your mood  
'Cause you're so smooth… _he added a devilishly sexy smile just for effect.

Below him, Cuddy drank in his voice and listened to the words he was singing. His smile made her knees go weak.

_And it's just like the ocean under the moon  
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you  
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah  
_House caught her eye, telling her he was serious

_Give me your heart, make it real… Or else forget about it…_

Cuddy was swept up in a sea of cerulean blue, intoxicated by his voice, guitar and words. She could only nod and smile back at him.

Seeing her acquiescence, House grinned, his smile making her heart soar.

House moved through the guitar chorus line, adding the trumpet part where necessary. Cuddy didn't think he could play with anymore energy than what he had been. His excitement was infectious and enlightening. She promised herself that she would never let him go back to the darkness of pain and loneliness that up until now he had constantly been plagued with.

Wilson turned to her "You are his life you know! He would do anything for you… well, almost anything" he corrected himself with a smirk.

Cuddy smiled at him in appreciation.

House had started the second verse, the lyrics catching her attention. That, as well as the low gravelly voice House was using as he sang with all he had in him.

_But I'll tell you one thing  
If you would leave it would be a crying shame  
In every breath and every word  
I hear your name calling me out  
Out from the barrio  
You hear my rhythm on your radio  
You feel the turning of the world, so soft and slow  
Turning you round... and round…_

_And if you said this life ain't good enough  
I would give my world to lift you up  
I could change my life to better suit your mood  
'Cause you're so smooth… _

House let rip on the guitar part, his fingers moving seamlessly over the strings. He was so into the music at this point, he jumped in time with the music, pushing off and landing on his left leg.

The guitar part soared over the remaining lines of the song.

_And it's just like the ocean under the moon  
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you  
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah  
Give me your heart, make it real  
Or else forget about it…_

Cuddy didn't even realise she had started swaying with the music. House had noticed though, his eyes unabashedly sweeping over her lithe frame, lingering on her curves as she unknowingly sashayed her hips.

House noticed she was also checking him out. Her eyes lingered on his messed up hair and his black jeans, the sky blue shirt and the black t-shirt he had on under it. She focused particularly interestedly on the level of his guitar. Its frame covering the bottom half of his stomach and finishing even lower. He had the complete bad-ass look going and she was digging it.

House grinned at her preoccupation… with him, and continued his wild guitar solo as the crowd joined him in singing the last repeating lines of the song.

_Or else forget about it  
Or else forget about it  
Let's don't forget about it  
Give me your heart, make it real  
Let's don't forget about it  
Let's don't forget about it  
Let's don't forget about it  
Let's don't forget about it  
Let's don't forget about it!_

House never took his eyes off Cuddy. Even as he let the last note from his guitar ring out, he kept watching her. She looked back at him with pride. She broke contact when the crowd went ballistic, wildly cheering and clapping.

House freed himself from his guitar strap and held it up in the air, his other hand formed in the 'rock on' sign that Kutner had tried to teach Wilson.

The crowd cheered even louder.

"Thank you!" House yelled out. "I'll be here… forever… doing clinic duty!"

Cuddy laughed along with the crowd.

Wilson nudged her. "Come on, you can help be 'Jagger's' roadie"

Cuddy smirked and followed him and Kutner to the elevators.

Reaching the first floor, Cuddy stepped onto House's stage. Seeing him up close, she realised he had the rock star look down pat. He was sweating from excitement and exertion, his hair sticking up in little spikes where he had pushed it back.

Locking eyes with him, she stepped out of the elevator. He couldn't look away. Clearing his throat, he asked "Okay, out with it. How much trouble am I in?"

Cuddy smiled "Well, as far as things go, this is definitely big, but not worth giving you a month of clinic duty over."

House widened his eyes. He looked at Wilson "Did you tell her?"

Wilson shook his head minutely.

Now Cuddy was suspicious. "Tell her what?"

"NOTHING!" All 3 of them shouted at once.

"Right… well since you 3 won't tell me, I think I'll go ask Brenda."

House's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when he heard that. Trying to act nonchalant, he just nodded.

Cuddy eyed him closely. She knew he had done something, she just didn't know what.

Getting back into the elevator she pressed the 'G' button, her eyes never leaving him until the doors closed.

As soon as she was gone, the 3 musketeers looked at each other. "OH SHIT!!!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

Frantically grabbing the equipment, they threw it all quickly into the elevator. They got inside, but not before they saw Cuddy talking to Brenda.

The last thing they heard before the doors closed was Cuddy's voice ringing through the entrance

"HOOOOUUUUUSE!!!!!!"

Inside the elevator, they all looked at each other.

"She's going to kill you House!" Kutner said.

"No she won't, she loves me!"

"That may be true…" Wilson said knowingly "But she's still going to kill you!"

They hurriedly put House's stuff away, and then made for their planned hiding places. Kutner went back in the elevator to go somewhere far, far away, Wilson ran to his office and locked the door and House headed for the roof.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Cuddy couldn't believe her eyes. Staring at her office, she was greeted by the obvious presence of House. Moving further inside, she put her stuff on the sofa, and then started compulsively straightening all the pictures on the wall.

Her attention was caught by the lack of items on her desk. She noticed straight away that her keyboard was missing. Seeing the ransom notes in its place, she abruptly walked out of the office and headed for Wilson's office.

Pounding on the door, she waited for him to answer. Inside, Wilson sighed. There was no point in hiding.

Opening the door, he was met with the calm, sinister smile of Lisa Cuddy.

"H-hi Cuddy…" He stammered. "Did you like the concert?"

"Yes Wilson, I did like the concert. I was not aware however, that it was the final touch to a morning of mayhem!"

"Like I said Cuddy, it was the only way to keep House from going crazy! It worked though! He didn't do anything completely crazy! Just harmless… stuff!"

Wilson could see the wheels turning in Cuddy's mind as she thought it over.

"You're right… but I still need to murder House. Would you be a dear and tell me where he is?" Her sweet tone added to the aura of danger she was carrying.

Wilson hoped he wouldn't pay for it dearly later. "Possibly the roof…"

"Thank you" She said, still smiling sweetly, only her eyes were flashing dangerously.

She closed Wilson's door and went after House. Wilson sighed in relief. _Don't kill me, House!_

* * *

House stood on the roof, leaning on the railing, looking out over the view offered to him. He couldn't shake the image of the way Cuddy was smiling up at him and her nod at his expression of love for her.

Smiling, he watched people out the front of the hospital. He closed his eyes, feeling the breeze and listening to the traffic when he caught the sound of heels, clacking on the stairs.

Opening his eyes, House looked over at the doorway, preparing for her wrath.

Storming through the doorway, she spotted House standing there, his clothes rustling in the breeze, his eyes highlighted by the bright blue sky behind him.

She momentarily froze, completely drawn to the image of him. She saw him smirk. Pulling herself together, she walked purposefully over to him.

"So… busy day, huh!?" She asked dangerously calm.

"Yep!" House replied back with a cheeky smile.

Cuddy wasn't expecting that. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face.

"I KNEW it!!! I knew you couldn't stay angry at me!!!" House declared, proud of himself.

"Just tell me one thing… Did you or did you not watch porn in the doctor's lounge?"

House sighed "No Cuddles, we did not. Did you hear what I said the password was though?" he added with a grin.

"No…" Cuddy said hesitantly.

House leaned in and whispered it in her ear. She almost forgot to listen, instead focusing on his proximity, his scent and his breath tickling her ear.

He leaned back and Cuddy took a second to process what he had said. Cuddy tried her absolute best to not laugh at his evilness. She couldn't help the small smile that escaped.

House laughed loudly at her amusement.

"Oh good, so the doctor's lounge was free from your madness."

House shifted uncomfortably "Umm.. yeah, sure."

"House… what did you do?"

"We may have… TP'd the doctor's lounge…" he admitted.

Cuddy's jaw dropped "YOU DID WHAT!!!??"

House shrugged "At least we didn't steal the TV or something…"

"Oh yes, speaking of stealing, can I have my keyboard back?"

House smirked. "Why Cuddles, did you read the demands?"

Cuddy sighed. "Fine, you can have time off clinic duty for _3 weeks_ but you also have to clean up the doctor's lounge."

House thought it over. Holding out his hand he said "Deal".

Shaking it, Cuddy mentioned the other demand House had neglected to mention.

"What about us?"

House looked at her "I meant what I sang, Cuddy. Give me your heart, make it real. Or else, forget about it!" He told her seriously, not about to give up his pride as well.

Cuddy looked at him seriously and nodded, giving him a small smile. House relaxed noticeably and smiled back, more broadly.

"So, wanna grab dinner with me after work?" He asked.

Cuddy laughed at his tactlessness. "Sure House. But first, you have to clean up the lounge!"

"But the contract didn't say _when_ I had to do it!!" House whined.

"No… but your girlfriend said that you have to do it now otherwise you'll be dining alone, mister!" Cuddy taunted him, poking him in the chest.

House smirked at her choice of words. It was nice to hear her call herself his girlfriend.

Nodding once, he gave her one last once-over and headed for the door.

Stopping, he turned. "Oh yeah, since I know you'll be thinking of a way to get back at Wilson, meet me back up here at 5.00 when he leaves."

Cuddy raised an eyebrow in confusion, but nodded her compliance.

Without another word, House left, heading for the lounge, his head and heart a lot lighter than they'd ever been.

* * *

_~5.00pm that afternoon~_

Picking up his briefcase, Wilson left his office and went straight for the elevators. He usually waved goodbye to House, but after selling his buddy out on his hiding spot, he knew he wasn't House's favourite person at the moment.

Passing the nurses station, he saw Brenda looking desperately for the last 'birthday box'. Feeling sorry for her, he went over and said "Brenda, stop and sit down for a second, it'll come to you."

Walking away, he gazed over his shoulder and watched as Brenda sat down in a tired heap, her head resting in hands. She suddenly jumped up. Reaching under the chair, she extracted the last of the black boxes from hell. Throwing it to the ground, she jumped on it, crushing it.

Wilson laughed and left the hospital, heading for his parking spot.

* * *

From the roof, House and Cuddy watched as Wilson got into his car.

"What are we supposed to be watching for?" Cuddy asked House.

"Shhh… just watch and listen." House replied, looking expectant.

They watched as Wilson reversed smoothly out of his spot. The relative silence was split by the sound of a car horn blaring. Cuddy looked around quickly.

"What the hell? There's no one else around him! So who beeped!?"

House was chuckling at his brilliance at this point. They continued to watch as Wilson eventually started off again, stopping to let a car which had right of way go ahead of him. Again, there was the car horn. Cuddy noticed that it went for as long as Wilson's brake lights were on.

Turning to House she asked slyly "You wouldn't happen to know why a car horn goes off everytime he brakes, would you?"

House couldn't hold on any longer. He burst out in raucous laughter, slapping his hand on the railing, his laugh getting louder and longer as he heard Wilson breaking repeatedly.

"He was pissing me off today for a bit, so I rigged his brakes to his car horn…" House couldn't finish what he was saying as another fit of laughter took over as Wilson's horn went off again.

Pissing themselves laughing, they both realised that this was the perfect end to a crazy day.

* * *

Wilson was seriously confused, but he knew the culprit. Reaching the end of the car park and signaling to turn on to the main road, he cringed as his horn went off as he pressed the brakes.

Suddenly, House's need for a tool box and his new 'horn-basher' nickname earlier made a whole lot more sense.

_I'M GOING TO KILL YOU HOUSE!!!_ Wilson thought murderously, gnashing his teeth together. He knew he halfway deserved it, but then again, he didn't really.

_Bloody House! He pulls off a morning of pranks, holds a concert and __**still**__ gets off the hook… as well as getting the girl of his dreams!!!_

Moving onto the main road, braking and cringing, all to avoid smashing into the car ahead of him, Wilson could think:

_Damn that clever bastard. _

He looked in his rear view mirror at the image of PPTH shrinking in the distance. Feeling some small accomplishment when he saw it.

_At least the hospital is still standing…_

THE END


End file.
